the Anti-Registration Act
Why hello there!
Sign in or up for all the exciting stuff Wink

the Anti-Registration Act


 
HomeGalleryFAQRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 a message from Red's Dad

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
Shadowrenderer
Local
Local
avatar

Male Age : 38

PostSubject: a message from Red's Dad   Fri Jun 20, 2008 6:09 am

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER


NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ_________ GPA Grid__________

INCOME TAX FILE # _________________ DRIVERS LICENCE ________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ STATE___________ POSTCODE______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________
If less than your age, explain
____________________________________________________________________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

Father? _____________

Mother?_____________

Priest or Pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _______________________________

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

F: When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

______________________________________________________________

G: What is the current going rate of a motel room? __________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
INDIGENOUS AUSTRALIAN BULL ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION,
CHINESE WATER TORTURE and RED HOT POKERS

_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State or Federal Government Representative
_______________________________ (Their stamp goes here )
Notary Public

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write.. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (You might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating.


Daddy's Rules for Dating
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy):

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a carton of beer, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool, places where there is darkness, places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay. Cricket games are okay...Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine





________________________________________

_________________
My portfolio of art - http://shadowrenderer.daportfolio.com/
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Thomas
Global
Global
avatar

Male Age : 38

PostSubject: Re: a message from Red's Dad   Fri Jun 20, 2008 1:16 pm

OK so where do I send my application?

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile
CaptainJoel
Fight for the Lost
Fight for the Lost
avatar

Male Age : 27

PostSubject: Re: a message from Red's Dad   Fri Jun 20, 2008 3:51 pm

Wow...

I have no other words but that's an amazing application.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
GoZ
The Main Man
The Main Man
avatar

Male Age : 43

PostSubject: Re: a message from Red's Dad   Fri Jun 20, 2008 11:16 pm

STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!!!!! (If Joel is my son, and he's Red's little brother, that makes her my daughter...or step-daughter....either way, I own several guns and knives...)
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Shadowrenderer
Local
Local
avatar

Male Age : 38

PostSubject: Re: a message from Red's Dad   Fri Jun 20, 2008 11:20 pm

I should point out I did not write this.

It was sent to me by email.

_________________
My portfolio of art - http://shadowrenderer.daportfolio.com/
Back to top Go down
View user profile
DanElectro
The Man of Tomorrow
The Man of Tomorrow
avatar

Male Age : 78

PostSubject: Re: a message from Red's Dad   Fri Jun 20, 2008 11:22 pm

GoZ wrote:
STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!!!!! (If Joel is my son, and he's Red's little brother, that makes her my daughter...or step-daughter....either way, I own several guns and knives...)

THAT should've been the big disclaimer at the end! AHAHAHAHA!

You can add that all interviews will be conducted out back in your tool shed while you're sharpening your knives and oiling your chainsaw.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
R
the numero uno
the numero uno
avatar

Female

PostSubject: Re: a message from Red's Dad   Fri Jun 20, 2008 11:32 pm

GoZ wrote:
STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!!!!! (If Joel is my son, and he's Red's little brother, that makes her my daughter...or step-daughter....either way, I own several guns and knives...)

Ahhh, hooray!


That makes Jim your brother (or not).

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile
True Believer
the numero dos
the numero dos
avatar

Male Age : 28

PostSubject: Re: a message from Red's Dad   Fri Jun 20, 2008 11:40 pm

R wrote:
GoZ wrote:
STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!!!!! (If Joel is my son, and he's Red's little brother, that makes her my daughter...or step-daughter....either way, I own several guns and knives...)

Ahhh, hooray!


That makes Jim your brother (or not).

This is starting to get confusing.

What does that make Mike?















I keed.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
R
the numero uno
the numero uno
avatar

Female

PostSubject: Re: a message from Red's Dad   Sat Jun 21, 2008 12:00 am

True Believer wrote:
R wrote:
GoZ wrote:
STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!!!!! (If Joel is my son, and he's Red's little brother, that makes her my daughter...or step-daughter....either way, I own several guns and knives...)

Ahhh, hooray!


That makes Jim your brother (or not).

This is starting to get confusing.

What does that make Mike?















I keed.

The sexual predator two streets down.

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile
GoZ
The Main Man
The Main Man
avatar

Male Age : 43

PostSubject: Re: a message from Red's Dad   Sat Jun 21, 2008 12:16 am

R wrote:
True Believer wrote:
R wrote:
GoZ wrote:
STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!!!!! (If Joel is my son, and he's Red's little brother, that makes her my daughter...or step-daughter....either way, I own several guns and knives...)

Ahhh, hooray!


That makes Jim your brother (or not).

This is starting to get confusing.

What does that make Mike?















I keed.

The sexual predator two streets down.


Back to top Go down
View user profile
TJ
Dark Prime
Dark Prime
avatar

Male Age : 30

PostSubject: Re: a message from Red's Dad   Mon Jun 23, 2008 3:05 am

GoZ wrote:
STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!!!!! (If Joel is my son, and he's Red's little brother, that makes her my daughter...or step-daughter....either way, I own several guns and knives...)

But I'm Immortal. The blood of thousands upon thousands of enemies has coursed into my veins and become one with me. Monsters and Men alike fear my name as it makes their blood run cold in their veins. But I shall drink their blood anyway, afterall, I am hungry........

ALUCARD
Back to top Go down
View user profile
GoZ
The Main Man
The Main Man
avatar

Male Age : 43

PostSubject: Re: a message from Red's Dad   Mon Jun 23, 2008 3:33 am

TJ wrote:
GoZ wrote:
STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!!!!! (If Joel is my son, and he's Red's little brother, that makes her my daughter...or step-daughter....either way, I own several guns and knives...)

But I'm Immortal. The blood of thousands upon thousands of enemies has coursed into my veins and become one with me. Monsters and Men alike fear my name as it makes their blood run cold in their veins. But I shall drink their blood anyway, afterall, I am hungry........

ALUCARD

I was UN-DEAD before it was "cool", so, I re-iterate, STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
PeteWisdom
The Chief of Sarcasm
The Chief of Sarcasm
avatar

Male Age : 32

PostSubject: Re: a message from Red's Dad   Mon Jun 23, 2008 4:28 am

GoZ wrote:
TJ wrote:
GoZ wrote:
STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!!!!! (If Joel is my son, and he's Red's little brother, that makes her my daughter...or step-daughter....either way, I own several guns and knives...)

But I'm Immortal. The blood of thousands upon thousands of enemies has coursed into my veins and become one with me. Monsters and Men alike fear my name as it makes their blood run cold in their veins. But I shall drink their blood anyway, afterall, I am hungry........

ALUCARD

I was UN-DEAD before it was "cool", so, I re-iterate, STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!


I could see GoZ pullin an Alexandar on you TJ.



Anyways wow, I failed the application at the beginning.... with the piercings...



and Sade is randomly playing on my iTunes. This is No Ordinary Love to be exact.



Yes so Sade is a guilty pleasure.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
TJ
Dark Prime
Dark Prime
avatar

Male Age : 30

PostSubject: Re: a message from Red's Dad   Mon Jun 23, 2008 1:04 pm

PeteWisdom wrote:
GoZ wrote:
TJ wrote:
GoZ wrote:
STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!!!!! (If Joel is my son, and he's Red's little brother, that makes her my daughter...or step-daughter....either way, I own several guns and knives...)

But I'm Immortal. The blood of thousands upon thousands of enemies has coursed into my veins and become one with me. Monsters and Men alike fear my name as it makes their blood run cold in their veins. But I shall drink their blood anyway, afterall, I am hungry........

ALUCARD

I was UN-DEAD before it was "cool", so, I re-iterate, STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!


I could see GoZ pullin an Alexandar on you TJ.



Anyways wow, I failed the application at the beginning.... with the piercings.=..



and Sade is randomly playing on my iTunes. This is No Ordinary Love to be exact.



Yes so Sade is a guilty pleasure.

But later on Alucard ripped out Alexanders heart, which simultaneously shredded Alexander into pieces (as a side result of what Alexander did to himself in the first place). But than again Alucard does consider Alexander friend, so I guess I could see it.



But I do have one question.

If Red is Dan's daughter, and Joel is GoZ's son.....and Joel and Red are brotther and sister, uuummmmm whose the wifey in this relationship?
Back to top Go down
View user profile
True Believer
the numero dos
the numero dos
avatar

Male Age : 28

PostSubject: Re: a message from Red's Dad   Mon Jun 23, 2008 2:03 pm

PeteWisdom wrote:
GoZ wrote:
TJ wrote:
GoZ wrote:
STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!!!!! (If Joel is my son, and he's Red's little brother, that makes her my daughter...or step-daughter....either way, I own several guns and knives...)

But I'm Immortal. The blood of thousands upon thousands of enemies has coursed into my veins and become one with me. Monsters and Men alike fear my name as it makes their blood run cold in their veins. But I shall drink their blood anyway, afterall, I am hungry........

ALUCARD

I was UN-DEAD before it was "cool", so, I re-iterate, STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!


I could see GoZ pullin an Alexandar on you TJ.



Anyways wow, I failed the application at the beginning.... with the piercings...



and Sade is randomly playing on my iTunes. This is No Ordinary Love to be exact.



Yes so Sade is a guilty pleasure.

I too have guiltily indulged in the pleasure of Sade. But only when I'm relaxing or trying to sleep.

Why?

'Cuz I'm a smooth operatooooor.

I'm a smoooooth operator.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
TJ
Dark Prime
Dark Prime
avatar

Male Age : 30

PostSubject: Re: a message from Red's Dad   Mon Jun 23, 2008 2:49 pm

True Believer wrote:
PeteWisdom wrote:
GoZ wrote:
TJ wrote:
GoZ wrote:
STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!!!!! (If Joel is my son, and he's Red's little brother, that makes her my daughter...or step-daughter....either way, I own several guns and knives...)

But I'm Immortal. The blood of thousands upon thousands of enemies has coursed into my veins and become one with me. Monsters and Men alike fear my name as it makes their blood run cold in their veins. But I shall drink their blood anyway, afterall, I am hungry........

ALUCARD

I was UN-DEAD before it was "cool", so, I re-iterate, STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!


I could see GoZ pullin an Alexandar on you TJ.



Anyways wow, I failed the application at the beginning.... with the piercings...



and Sade is randomly playing on my iTunes. This is No Ordinary Love to be exact.



Yes so Sade is a guilty pleasure.

I too have guiltily indulged in the pleasure of Sade. But only when I'm relaxing or trying to sleep.

Why?

'Cuz I'm a smooth operatooooor.

I'm a smoooooth operator.


Thanks TB your signature informed to something quite tragic, and I'm quite shocked.


Yes, R.I.P George Carlin, comedy won't be the same without you.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Shaun
The Man of Tomorrow
The Man of Tomorrow
avatar

Male Age : 31

PostSubject: Re: a message from Red's Dad   Wed Jul 02, 2008 12:33 am

well I failed that application due to the fact that I have a tattoo

eh oh well I'm good with talking to parents
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Tayley
The ARA
The ARA
avatar

Male Age : 28

PostSubject: Re: a message from Red's Dad   Wed Nov 19, 2008 3:36 pm

sade is the shit.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: a message from Red's Dad   

Back to top Go down
 
a message from Red's Dad
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» DC Message Boards to Close
» The Hidden Message Game
» Online gossip and message boards
» Message for George Clooney.
» episode #06, segment 2: A Message From Charity

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
the Anti-Registration Act :: Welcome-
Jump to: